But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness. But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a role.
Life experiences. When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations.
For example, if people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them become more confident and comfortable. But if they feel pushed into situations they don't feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied , it can make them even more shy.
The examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be shy or not. If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Shy Strength Many people want to reduce their shyness. If you're trying to become less shy, it can help to remember: Overcoming shyness takes practice.
People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer chances to practice social behaviors. It's no wonder that people who shy away from socializing don't feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing — they have less practice! The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get, and the more natural they feel for you.
Take slow, steady steps forward. Going slow is OK. But be sure to go forward. Stepping back from any situations that might trigger you to feel shy can reinforce shyness and keep it at a level that's hard to get past. Build confidence by taking one small forward step at a time. It's OK to feel awkward. Everyone does sometimes. People who are shy are often afraid to feel awkward or uncomfortable. When you're ready to try something you've been avoiding because of shyness — like a phone call or a conversation — write down what you want to say beforehand.
Rehearse it out loud, maybe even in front of the mirror. Then just do it. Don't worry if it's not exactly like you practiced or if it's not perfect. Few of the things more confident-seeming people do are perfect either. Be proud that you gave it a go. Next time, it'll be even better because it will be easier. Give yourself a chance. Find group activities where you can be with people who share your interests. Give yourself a chance to practice socializing with these new people, and get to know them slowly.
One study on cognitive behavioral group therapy for social anxiety found it helped people reduce symptoms in the long term. In short, being happy can make us smile. But smiling can also make us happy. In one study , smiling in scary situations helped shy children reduce social anxiety. On the other hand, research has also found that people with social anxiety might already be used to smiling more than people without it.
In another study , people with social anxiety smiled more often to mirror the person they were talking with. Instead, you might start by running only a minute at a time and walking for a while, too. The same can apply when dealing with shyness and social anxiety.
Instead of taking on more than you can handle, you might begin by setting a goal you know you can complete. And that will look different for everyone. To identify that kind of a goal, the key is to be honest with yourself about what steps you can take. If you tend to put a lot of pressure on yourself, you might need to scale back the goal to make it more manageable. Or maybe you need to push a bit beyond your comfort zone. Partaking in activities you like can be a great way to manage social anxiety.
By focusing your attention on something like yoga, drawing, or gardening, you can give yourself a chance to have fun without worrying about judgment from other people. And none of what you do has to be for show or put on display. You can blog, paint, build birdhouses, or go for a bike ride all for yourself.
By practicing expressing your feelings to a friend, you can learn to open up and feel more comfortable making conversation in general. Instead, consider putting your worries on the spot. If you challenge yourself straight up to make 15 best mates in a week, you might be setting the bar a bit high. Remember the excellent stuff about you.
Why are you shy? Shift your focus. If you find yourself stressing about what other people might be thinking about you, try to shift your focus to the other person. Ask them questions about themselves, and try to learn more about them. Think of some questions you can ask people and try to find out more when they respond.
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